Searching

"Searching" [August 2025]
Featuring @lilim.cos (IG)
Shot via Mamiya Auto XTL
Shot on Ilford HP5
Shot in Saskatchewan

"A voice is the night. Just a whisper, carried through vibration on the thin edges of leaves. A question. A request. An invitation. Do I yearn? Do I seek? Will I search? The chatter of foliage, misted by the waves in the night. The gentle sway of the lake, a hypnotizing compulsion, dragging my feet from the doorway while my mind busies itself with listening for that voice again. These questions looping in my mind as the waves rap upon the shore. Do I yearn? Do I seek? Will I search?
I shall.
I do."

A warm evening leads down dirt roads in South Saskatchewan in search of a particular beach. Mourningberb, Jayde (lilim.cos) and I had been trying to arrange a shoot for months and finally stars (and weather) had aligned to take us on a short road trip. I'd really been enjoying exploring shutter drag effects with my film photography projects and Jayde always had great narrative and character focus when we'd worked together previously. A cosplayer and artist in her own right, its always been a privilege to collaborate with her creative works. This time she had been inspired to explore a somewhat Victorian ghost story vibe, seeing herself drawn to the water by a voice in the night. White dress and ornate candle in hand, she came prepared to tell a story.

It is always interesting to enter an unknown location and story-build with what is available on hand. One of my favourite aspects of shooting is the investigative stage. Finding frames, figuring out lighting, and plotting out the intended story from the first shot to the last. Thankfully this location had a few great spaces. She changed into costume, and with birdsong above and children playing on a beach down the hill from us, we attempted to find our ominous atmosphere on this beautiful day.

Shutter drag and long exposure photography is an interesting beast. Historically, I shoot in low light with a low aperture and a strong directional light to create a sharp, tight depth of field. Long exposure in sunlight requires a high aperture and lots of light. I really enjoy the amount of risk involved and potential randomness of results. I hope it is a long time before I get good enough to predict my way out of the surprise.

We spent the remaining sunlight we had shooting with my Mamiya Auto XTL, a Mamiya645 that just refused to cooperate (user error) and my Fuji XT4 (more on the digitals in a future post) in a tree thick area that we could imply our way into feeling like a forest. As the sun set we found our way to the beach and in the dark of night we waded our way into the water. I'll expand on that portion of the shoot when I post about the digital portion of the shoot, but needless to say it was a chilly, invigorating experience.

There was also a cute orange cat that showed up to get pets and observe. Security was hyper-specific to this evenings clientele.

I'm incredibly happy with the results of these film photographs. Ilford HP5 is generally a safe film stock for clean, sharp, balanced images and these proceedings was no different. It's interesting to slowly feel like I'm figuring out how to time my motion to get a sharp image within the blur and drag effect. Having a model with great emotive expression is always an absolute key to feeling satisfied with the work for me.

I want to tell a story that meets a viewer halfway on deciding the ending.

Support @lilim.cos as she does fantastic creative work and while you're supporting incredibly badass women, you should probably buy the new Faetooth album that came out this week. I've been listening to it while writing this and you should listen to it too.

https://www.instagram.com/lilim.cos/
https://faetooth.bandcamp.com/album/labyrinthine

Labyrinthine, by Faetooth

10 track album

FaetoothEmery